There are much coverage in the media of late on the value of choosing a sabbatical from your relationship. The reasoning behind taking a sabbatical is that it provides a breathing space to reflect on your life, what your relationship means to you, ponder the good and the bad, definitely consider what it is you want. But are there other ways of attaining that same level of insight and awareness? Do you really need to use a sabbatical from your relationship to discover if it’s still in your case?
Let’s look at four C’s that might influence your need to take a sabbatical from your relationship:
– An ability to converse; many couples struggle over communications. They lead particularly busy lives, have many demands on their time. When they reach home there is often much that even now needs to be done by way of chores, cooking, the demands of rising children. Taking time to converse properly with a partner can be a massive effort when all you want to do is sink to a relaxing bath or enjoy a glass of wine and watch TV. Many couples end up effectively house-sharing, where all their main communication is ‘we’re out of cereal’ or ‘can you pick up the dry-cleaning’.
A année sabbatique can provide an appealing get away from from everyday life and its demands. It can mean that when you do get together you schedule that time exclusively for your relationship, do relaxing things together, have adult conversations like you did within at the start of your relationship, discuss each other’s days, your notions and feelings.
In your day-to-day life consider how you prove the way you feel about your partner through your words and actions. Most people have successful relationships because they plan to include ‘us’ time in their lives. They delegate some of the mundane tasks in order to have space in their lives for each other. Would it be simple to have a cleaner once a week, have your grocery shopping delivered, transmit the ironing, give the children some tasks? What about acquiring one evening a week where you freshen up, dress nicely and sit and eat dinner together with distractions like the television system or phones switched off? Think of something that could work for you that gives an opportunity to focus on your relationship and support better calls.
– A preparedness to compromise; many of us have relations, friends, hobbies, jobs that our partner might not ‘get’, could regard as more of a nuisance than a pleasure. These additional demands can place a strain on a relationship, especially if there is an undercurrent of pressure and tension over the amount of time these kind of interests consume. There might be a resultant feeling of not being respectable or understood which could ultimately escalate into a need for a new sabbatical in order to consider how the relationship is working out.
Think of ways that time can be found to accommodate the things that each of you regard seeing that important. Could you both pursue family/friend/work/hobby related interests as a stand alone and then meet up afterwards? Having separate interests can add desire and conversation to a relationship. There’s no reason why you have to do anything together. If there are times when it’s required to bring along somebody remember that compromise is about occasionally doing things you don’t can do in order to show support for your partner.
– Look to co-operate; work together, even if there are things you disagree about in exclusive, behind closed doors. Build a solid relationship and discover that your relationship works more effectively when you act together as a team. Presenting a united the front allows both of you to feel supported, strong, with a good friend as well as ally by your side. Loyalty can be an important part of this motivation. It means that whatever you both think in private you actually co-operate and work together for the greater good.
Co-operation also means that when one of you is overloaded the other steps in to give extra help and support. There are times when one of you will be extra-supportive and other times when the roles may be reversed but not a soul keeps a tally, that’s the way it works, it’s about supply and take.